Teaching Children Sexual Purity

As a single mother, I spent a few years on welfare following the separation and divorce from my husband and father of all five of my children. This article isn’t for the intent of support for welfare as it has its myriads of problems, but for the sake of fixing a problem, I want to use my family as an example.

The point of me sharing the story about my welfare experience, because welfare is blamed for much of the deterioration of the black family. Some would say, “If we could just get rid of welfare, then the black family would be in shape.” I agree though that welfare has made it easier for many to be sexually irresponsible, but it is not the primary factor for sexual promiscuity. My premise is that where there is no spiritual grounding, then there will be more problems within a family, such as sexual promiscuity and illegitimate births.

I’ve raised five children while on welfare. My children have no children, and my daughters are beautiful and still virgins. I’ve raised my children first by sharing with them that as a Christian family, we honor the scriptures and what is says about sex: not before marriage!

As a Christian parent, there is much pressure to include within sex education, the passing out of condoms and birth control pills. With my past in my mind (birth control pills allowed and sexually active at 15) I raised my children quite the opposite. They were taught what condoms and pills were for but to use them within marriage. They were also taught to save themselves for marriage as the scriptures teach. And it was not necessary to have condoms and pills as emergency backups in case my children felt the need to have sex. My teachings were consistent – no sex means no sex! Therefore, protection wasn’t even in the equation.

That was years ago and my children are all adults now, 18 years through 29 and I’m reflecting upon what is was that I’ve done to help them become sexually responsible. That was achieved by teaching them abstinence as taught in the Bible. These are some of the things I want to share, especially for the single-parent who is all alone and struggling in all areas of life.

  1. As a parent and leader of your children, you yourself must have a strong spiritual foundation and that foundation must be in Jesus Christ:

    For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 3:11

    As a parent, we must first be an example to our children. It starts with us being born-again and then being guided strongly by the word of God, the Bible. If our children see that we aren’t following God, then why should they? Children are going to do what we do and not as we say!

  2. Lead your children to Christ! The children need Christ in their lives to have the power and conviction to live a life after God.

    “. . . ‘You must be born again.’” John 3:7

    Every parent’s primary goal should be that of leading their child to Christ. It is our responsibility to share the gospel, but if the child should reject God, at least a parent can stand before God and say, “I tried.”

  3. Find a strong bible teaching church that has a very vibrant youth department where your children will be comfortable in.

    “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, . . .” Hebrews 10:25

    With the myriad of great churches here in San Diego to choose from, I asked around and the church I attend now is the one church that I heard people talk about the most for the youth. Sure enough, my children enjoy it immensely and love their youth pastors. These pastors have come to our aid when the children needed strong counseling. (And incidentally, I enjoy this church too!)

  4. Make a “NO SEX” rule like you make other rules in the home. Whether your kids believe in Christ or not, you make this the rule in your home.

    “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

    I told my children that sex is for marriage, and if any of them break that rule and I find out about it, then they will suffer consequences. I told them I better not see any condoms or pills as those are things they want to save for their marriage if they need to use them.

  5. Teach them “what says the Lord!” They must know that it’s God’s rule first above yours. And that a sign of their love for God is by their obedience.

    “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” John 14:15

  6. Seek “Purity” conferences – I don’t remember the name of the one I sent my children to here in San Diego, but it was a one day, all day event. The parents drop the kids off and they along with other children hear Christian leaders and they get to join in pretty fun events. This one day event I took my children to seemed to have the greatest impact on them regarding sex.

    ” For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;” 1 Thessalonians 4:3

    It’s one thing for old fuddy duddy mom trying to teach them, but its another to have youthful folks tell them the same thing! My kids fought me tooth and nail and really had no interest in going. But I made it mandatory and when they saw the kids that looked like them at this conference…and when my son saw other boys with braids, almost saggy pants and mohawk haircuts, then he knew he may have a little fun.

  7. And if your child should have sex, do share with them God’s forgiveness of their sin as well as your forgiveness of them.

    “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

    Do let them know that they still have to experience the consequences of their disobedience to you since that is a house rule. Their consequence of breaking God’s rule, He’ll handle His way with your child. But show them love and acceptance as God shows us love and acceptance when we have sinned and ask forgiveness of Him. (I’d settle any day for a parents consequence than God’s!)

It’s very important if families don’t want their children or themselves to become one of the CDC’s STD statistics, they must have a well grounded spiritual life. It doesn’t matter if one is poor and on welfare or if one is rich. If you don’t believe in Christ, follow His principles for living as found in the bible, then sexual problems and disease will more than likely follow. It’s a given that if your are more sexually active, then that increases your chance of STDs. That rate falls dramatically when sex is not practiced at all!

I’m a conservative now and was conservative while on welfare. And yes, I was burnt then by the welfare haters and the disrespect continues even today while I share my stories. Hopefully, people see through their welfare prejudice and understand the totality of what I’m trying to say regarding the state of the family, especially the black family.

I’m a witness. No matter the financial status, following Christ works! Many will say that it’s just plain unrealistic to teach abstinence. It is the parents responsibility to teach, and the child’s responsibility to obey. The obedience helps is we just do our job and TEACH IT!

Listed below is a few things to help, books to buy, websites with free advice. I’d like to know of favorites for you readers. Please share your favorites!

Here are a few of mine:

Resources for families

Family books written by Pastor Miles (The Rock Church San Diego)

Recommended books by my church, the Rock Church San Diego

HomeWord: Where Parents Get Real Answers (website for answers)

Focus on the Families

© 2008 – 2010, Carlotta Morrow. All rights reserved.

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